She is going to counseling. If I say we shouldn't go any longer, we won't, is that really a good idea?
You've been going for 3 years and your relationship continues to deteriorate. So you tell me, why do you think it's a good idea to keep going? Traditional MC has not saved a single marriage post-BD to my knowledge (believe me, plenty have tried).
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In 2018 we went the first months of the year with no sex but then got to about 3 times a month as of this August before the BD. After the BD, there were no "I Love You's" or kisses goodnight, but now she instigates that - so that seems like progress.
It's a baby step. Baby steps are good, but you celebrate them internally and keep on DB'ing.
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Agree on MLC and possibly early menopause, she actually mentioned the menopause thing last week and during her pregnancy she had a partial hysterectomy, keeping her ovaries, but even they said that was a possibility.
Exact same thing with my XW. She was around 48 and had a partial hysterectomy. They warned her it might trigger menopause, and it did. And not long after like a bolt out of the blue- BD.
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So, do I stop setting up dates?
I would. Pull back and detach. If she wants to pursue you and ask for dates then that's fine, but you need to drop the pursuit behavior.
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Ones that are already set, do I cancel them?
No if you've made commitments then stick to them.
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Do I stop spending as much time with her? Engaging in nightly conversations?
Yes try to pull back. I'm not saying to go completely dark on her, nor am I saying be cold and indifferent. But quit pursuing her. Do you read Sandi's rules much? They help, they are a great template on how to behave.
