Is there hope?

[hoosjim]

I would also add to my above comments that, if, somewhere out on the currently unforeseeable horizon, you think you might still want to be married to this woman, you need to find counselors who are "pro marriage", amongst other things. (Goal-oriented is another important attribute). Not all counselor's are. And "Pro marriage" doesn't mean a counselor that is "Everyone MUST stay married because _______________", but, rather, one that is oriented to try to save marriages rather than steer people towards divorce (while of course still recognizing that some marriages are not, in fact, saveable.) MWD devotes some text to this in the DB-ing literature, while also noting that marriage counseling before any and all affairs are ended and, indeed, before both parties (including the WAS) have committed to saving the MR, is premature. IC is of course appropriate at any time, but i would be suspicious of any counselor that, at this point, is pushing you towards divorce.