I agree with R2C, probably high time to quit going. Go to IC if it helps you, but stop the MC. It's pretty clear it hasn't helped (it never does after BD) and your sitch has, in fact, continued to deteriorate to the point where sex is now off the table.
The only action that takes place, tends to be when I push the action. She has threatened divorce aggressively 4 times over the past 3 years. Then after each, there seemed to be healing and a degree of reconciliation until it happened again. She has threatened separation twice. Most recently in September and she looked at apartments but she didn't move out.
So, nothing really seems to change unless I push the change. She is going to counseling. If I say we shouldn't go any longer, we won't, is that really a good idea?
In 2018 we went the first months of the year with no sex but then got to about 3 times a month as of this August before the BD. After the BD, there were no "I Love You's" or kisses goodnight, but now she instigates that - so that seems like progress.
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At your ages I'd say it's quite possible she's going through MLC or early menopause or both.
Agree on MLC and possibly early menopause, she actually mentioned the menopause thing last week and during her pregnancy she had a partial hysterectomy, keeping her ovaries, but even they said that was a possibility.
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You've got to earn respect back before she'll find you attractive again. You do that by detaching, letting her go, working on yourself, being an alpha again.
So, do I stop setting up dates? Ones that are already set, do I cancel them? Do I stop spending as much time with her? Engaging in nightly conversations?
