I wanted to comment on this OP thing a bit more because I think maybe my post wasn't clear as to the meaning.
Quote: But, isn't blaming the OP simply a way of justifying the actions of your spouse?
I think it can be, if you're not giving the spouse the proper responsibility for their share, sure. I don't think an A is any less 50%-50% than any other R/interaction.
Quote: Sure, you see first hand that the spouse is sorry or wants to reconcile or whatever...No one really knows what the OP is thinking in most cases.
I'd make the case that we don't know what either of them is thinking. We only have their actions and words to go on. Also that each sitch has differences in that regard. I'm sure some OPs feel badly. Others say they feel badly while continuing the same behavior. Same with spouses.
But many times, they chose to be involved in another person's M... it is 100% each person's decision whether to get into that kind of R.
I have been faced with similar decisions and could not imagine justifying hurting someone in that way. But some people can and sometimes maybe it's because they're hurting themselves.
All I was saying is that when it's so off the table for you individually, it's often very hard to process the idea that for other people it's not (that is if they are the ones doing it and not being "done to").
