I wanted to comment on the NGS as I know well these feelings.
You got punched in the gut reading her journal. Your mind may be spinning. These situations can be incredibly confusing for anyone, let alone a NG.
Part of this process is sorting out your own feelings. The intensity of the situation can be very confusing and, especially if you are a NG, you can get lost in the fog of your W's feelings. You might not even understand your own feelings, because you are so stuck worrying about your W's feelings. Get back in touch with yourself.
It's not all your fault. It's not all her fault. It's going to take time and space to sort out your own feelings. I strongly encourage you to address the NGS. I would keep this process hidden from your W for now.
If you feel the urge to apologize and repent, please post here first for advice. Apologizing may be okay if done a certain way, but a NG tendency would be to apologize profusely, agree 100% with your W's story, and completely invalidate your own feelings and self-worth in the process. An apology is not going to fix your situation as it stands, I guarantee it.
