Affair fog,MLC or true love?

[JC08]

It is defiantly not perfect, but it takes time to see when you are so caught up in the moment. It's a feeling that you haven't felt in years and its addicting. My W and I met right out of high school, neither one of us had ever dated anyone else, that was just over 16 years ago. All the stresses of going through college, having kids, building careers, houses, changing jobs, working hard to get student loans paid off, and just making everything but each other a priority lead to arguments, resentment, and a feeling of unhappiness. So when someone else gives you attention and makes you feel things you haven't felt in a long time, you start to make your self believe its better, your real love, that you deserve someone who makes you feel that way, and it is all fantasy. I remember how I felt and it's a daily battle to remind myself that my W is in the same stage, is saying and doing a lot of the same things I did, but that doesn't make it any easier.

I really wasn't the pursuer in my stich, the OW was always the one who would pursue me; talk, text, flirty, change what she expected out of me, because she didn't want it to end and let it go. In my case, it actually took her saying she was really attracted to me before I ever even realized there was anything there. I thought she was just someone I could confide in and get advice, and the flirting was a nice feeling. I was 33, married, a little overweight, with 4 kids, and she was 24, didn't figure it was a concern that she was actually pursuing me, also made me enjoy the attention more than I should have. But I also didn't put up the walls I should have because I didn't think it was an issue and I really never had thoughts about cheating on my wife or leaving my marriage, but those feelings once started are strong and like everything says I became driven by emotion and not logic.

My W told me 2 months before leaving that she didn't know what to do, that she had never felt this way about anyone but me, asked me how long before those feelings stopped, that she didn't want to talk to him but sometimes it was all she wanted to do. and at that point she had only met him 45 days before. Its a powerful, powerful feeling.

I would follow DB rules I wish I would have found this resource before my affair, definitely after it, and before I did all the wrong things to push my W harder into her affair. I definitely wouldn't tell him and to pursue a relationship unless you are ready for him to do so, he'll see that as a free pass, and these feeling do not go away quickly, reality will come, but usually not quickly.

listen to these guys, read sandi post, it may be about a wayward wife, but I can personally tell you that it all applied to me, it is like she was writing about me. I wish I could give better advice and make better points, I seem to ramble on a lot. If my wife you have followed the things here when I was in my EA and even during my PA it would have made me take notice, she begged and pleaded what was wrong, it just pushed me away. All I had to do was give her a little attention or whatever and she was head over heels happy and it gave me more space to do what I wanted, I controlled the situation. It was a little different because she didn't know I was having an affair, deep down she probably did, but she didn't push or acknowledge it.