Not sure you answered my question. We typically tell LBSs not to file for divorce until they are ready to be D'd. Any other reason will usually backfire. Obviously there are legal considerations but I highly suggest not taking action based on legal considerations unless you are engaging with a lawyer.
Lots of LBSs use filing as a way to wake up a WAS. Or they do it out of anger or hurt. The first is manipulation. The second is the illusion of action. Both will end up with you being D'd, many times before the LBS was really ready.
The illusion of action is the belief that action, any action, will make the anger or hurt go away. It rarely does. Filing out of anger or hurt results in being D'd and still angry and hurt.
Did you consult a lawyer first?
At 53 years old I'd just gotten a job after being a homemaker for 15 years. 6 months later he said "I think we can financially swing a D now". The next day he sees an attorney and I know what they tell men in my state (make a low offer-see if she will take it). He texts me on his way home from there and asks if I will help him fill out the paperwork. I ignore. The day after that he tries to do handshake deals "I'll pay your rent and buy you furniture". Tells me his idiot friend told him there was no alimony in my state (wrong). He laid out this whole plan as if the D was a mutual decision. I'd fill out the forms, pay $200 and voila we'd be divorced in 60 days. I said whoa wait that's not how this works. I said we need an attorney and he says sure we can share one. No I want my own attorney. I'm not sure what planet he was living on but when he realized this wasn't going to go his way he moved out.
After the initial shock my self preservation set in. Within 2 weeks I had hired an attorney and removed all the financial records from the house. He spent the next 30 days rushing around tying up loose ends while I sat back and waited to get served. That day came and went. 4 months later I find out I'm moving when he cc'd me on the email he sent to the rental company. I still had hope. We could live apart, heal and maybe reconcile a year or two down the road. Only problem is I can't afford it.
I thought for sure he'd do the right thing. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and even felt sorry for him. He had all these moving expenses, was working 80 hours a week but I had faith that he'd come through. He didn't increase the support but he did give me the rental deposit back. I began to get nervous because now I'm responsible for my own bills, we aren't communicating, and there is no court order. I'm at the mercy of whatever he chooses to pay me. The only way to get more support was to file. Before I could decide when I found out about the OW and the promotion.
I don't know if you believe in God or not but I do. I contacted my attorney and just told her to file. It was a calm decision but it wasn't until after I filled out the paperwork that I realized I'd been given a gift. Had I waited for him to file it could take years. If I filed without grounds he could just say no until he was ready. Meanwhile I'd struggle in limbo to buy groceries. Filing with grounds means I get more support whether he likes it or not. Its no longer up to him.
I don't want a divorce but I don't see any other solutions.
You know what I am angry. He gets promoted, pays me peanuts while he's out having fun with OW. This isn't okay with me. Now maybe I'd made a difference decision if I could support myself but I can't so here I am.....
