You should NOT dismiss your D's feelings, especially right now. She feels her mom isn't listening to her and soon she will feel like you're not either if you keep this up. Learn to listen and validate, not just with your W but with your D as well......... Be respectful of her feelings. If she says her mom is mean to her then don't say "yeah but do what she says", say "how does that make you feel, are you sad?" Open a dialog. Let her express her feelings. Tell her you are sorry she feels that way, and ask her if there is anything you can do to help.
Focus on Validating your Daughters feelings. This is one of the most important things you need to do. Focus on this until it is a habit.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
