Maybe I’m still not understanding the difference between not caring and detachment. If she would have said no it wouldn’t have bothered me. I just thought it would be nice to extend an invite
She fired you as H. She's been completely unsupportive and even dismissive of you through your battle with the big C. Why would you want to go anywhere with her? Think of the most bada$$ alpha male you can think of, even if it's not a real person, IE, Arnold as Conan the Barbarian. Let's say Conan has a girlfriend and she suddenly tells him she's done and doesn't love him or want to be with him anymore. What would Conan do? Would he beg and plead and invite her to parties? No he would smirk and walk out the door and probably be in another woman's bed by the next night. I'm not saying to get out there and sleep around, but asking her to that party is pursuit behavior, and just because she said yes doesn't make it OK to pursue.
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It just makes me feel like a bad person that I might not want to recon
Steve uses a work analogy sometimes so let me offer you one. Let's say your boss calls you into his office and says "Oz, I don't like you anymore and I'm tired of all your whining about having cancer, you're fired, get your stuff and get out of here." 6 months later you have a better paying job with a boss that respects you a lot more and supports you in your battle with cancer and your old boss calls- "Oz, maybe you weren't so bad after all, why don't you quit that job and come back here for the same pay or maybe less while I decide if I really want you back or not." Would you feel bad about yourself that you didn't want to go back to that old job? Is this all YOUR doing? Or your WIFE'S?
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I have told several times that this is a pro marriage site. So how does being detached jive with wanting it to work. Makes no sense to me. Cause I have been told that this is a website for people who want it to work. But then as soon as I express any sort of anything about W I’m told “see a detached person wouldn’t say that”. It seems like that your definition of detached is I just tell W to take a flying leap and never look back with 0 chance of recon
Because you've forgotten how this dynamic works. You can't "nice" her back. Not now, not tomorrow, not ever. Remember this?
MIKE And what if I don't want to give up on her?
ROB You don't call.
MIKE But you said I shouldn't call if I wanted to give up on her.
ROB Right.
MIKE So I don't call either way.
ROB Right.
MIKE So what's the difference?
ROB The only difference between giving up and not giving up is if you take her back when she wants to come back. See, you can't do anything to make her want to come back. You can only do things to make her not want to come back.
MIKE So the only difference is if I forget about her or pretend to forget about her.
ROB Right.
MIKE Well that [censored].
ROB It [censored].
MIKE So it's almost a retroactive decision. So I could, like, let's say, forget about her and when she comes back make like I just pretended to forget about her.
ROB Right...or more likely the opposite.
MIKE Right... Wait, what do you mean?
ROB I mean first you'll pretend not to care, not call - whatever, and then, eventually, you really won't care.
MIKE Unless she comes back first.
ROB Ah, see, that's the thing. Somehow they don't come back until you really don't care anymore.
