Hi, quite a lot of changes in the 4 days since last post. Things remained really frosty between us over the weekend until I received a call from W in the evening. Never heard her so distraught, Our d6 had mentioned some things that really triggered my W's childhood trauma from abuse.
She asked me to come over immediately which I did, comforted her, gave her a hug while she told me what had happened.wont give any details but it was really traumatic and she needed me to hear and believe her, which I did without question, trust in her as a mother is unshakeable.
I stayed the night and have continued to stay to provide support to her and the kids as we have worked through the issues. We have decided to put family therapy in place, drop the hostility and focus on the kids,
Over the last 4 days my w has initiated several talks about our relationship, her experience and how unhappy she was, her distrust, the neglect ,lack of intimacy and emotional abuse.
I have never validated so much, hearing her and hearing her, her guard has understandably gone up and down through the conversations , ive made a few mistakes with my responses as its been really emotionally challenging hearing how she felt, she has remained very clear she is happier now and is very mindful of me working on her or manipulating her back into a relationship, she has admitted she must have loved me but remains staunch that we will never reconcile. She said she wanted me to forgive myself and work on my own happiness.
I made a mistake by admitting I wasn't there yet with letting go. but most importantly there is a flicker of trust back. She expects me to return to the flat tomorrow.
The two of us will attend family counselling just the 2 of us for 1st few sessions. She has invited me to stay for Christmas and a walk this Sunday.
No expectations, she knows I love her but understandably doesn't trust I wouldn't lose the changes if back together. She repeats " my love for myself is stronger than my love for anyone else and she won't compromise herself for anyone else anymore"
Obviously these statements all really hurt and we have all shown our vulnerability and fragility through this situation with d6. I have shared details of my abuse change programme.
I fully expect her walls to go back up anytime but this has felt like a much healthier few days. Really tough being back in the house around her, inside I'm really pineing for her.
But it's some movement, have to tread very carefully
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
