Affair fog,MLC or true love?

[JC08]

Wish I couldn't provide any insight, but here I am. I had an EA with a co-worker, turned into full blown PA, I pretty much vilified my wife, my marriage, everything that involved her. I thought and felt all the things your H is now, and its all crap by the way. My sitch is crazy/different than most I have came across, I was coming out of the fog, trying to break it off, seeing the A and AP for what it was when my W found out, so I had almost a year in the affair without my W knowing that I was having an affair and just thought it was our marriage and me being unhappy with the marriage and her. We reconciled for about 7 months, but not the way we should have and then she started an EA, which turned into a PA, and we are now separated. Crazy as it sounds, before this, we were a zero drama couple, never anything like this at all.

Back to your question though, yes it makes it harder to escape from it, it makes no contact impossible. Depending on the OW's personality it just gets drug out, I said some mean things to tell the OW that I wanted out, to leave me alone, that I wasn't leaving my wife, but none of them worked, she was selfish and controlling, and she wasn't going to give up what she wanted eaisly. Most of the time I would do this on a Thursday or Friday, block her on everything I could, and by Monday she was in my office telling me how horrible I was, how I ruined her life, how I was the worst person she had ever met because I lied to her. I was already dealing with guilt and shame, so then I would resume some type of contact, which would just lead back to things going back to the way they were. I knew I was screwing up, I knew I was in the wrong, but it was also hard to give up those feelings, that "high" I felt, feeling all those things I wasn't feeling at home.

If I wouldn't have worked with her I seriously don't think the EA would have turned into a PA, and I don't think the affair would have lasted so long. When I would make a break, even over a weeklong vacation with my family, zero contact with her, once I walked back into work it was the same song and dance from her, anger and then guilt trip, and I would get dragged back in. Don't mistake that for me making an excuse for my actions or his, but it is difficult to make the break and even harder when you can't escape them. Even when I was trying to break it off I still thought the OW was my "true love" I kept thinking that I was giving up happiness to stay in my marriage, but that was all based in lies, and fantasy of what the relationship really was. I didn't find this website and all the information I have until my wife started her EA or I think our situation would have turned out different.

As much as I hate thinking about how I acted and treated my wife during the affair, I do know her saying hi or being nice turned me off, I was so sure she was the cause of all my pain that I vilified everything she said or did. So I say let him go without saying anything unless he offers a hello to you.

I know most of the stuff I typed is pretty depressing, the only thing I can say, and that I have to remind myself of constantly is these feelings the WAS has during the beginning of the A will change, I could not think clearly or see reality, but once I did, I was done with the situation, but that doesn't mean I didn't create a lot of hurt along the way.