Small update: probably wasn't the wisest move, but Monday night I had debated after my IC session, and did email H saying that "I'd love to get belated bday drinks with you. If not I understand, I want to give you whatever space you need." I didn't expect a reply, but got one Tuesday morning. He replied with "I will see what my schedule looks like. I have [work] this weekend so will prob be in [our town]" but then says he isn't sure because he pulled his back (which means he'd stay where he is 4 hours away if it isn't better). Before I could answer this email, he also texted me asking if I wanted to watch the dogs if he comes in town this weekend. I later in the day replied only via email: "Sorry to hear that - it sounds painful. Hope your back feels better! If you come, I'd love to hang out together and the dogs are always welcome. If not, I can meet you wherever works." I don't anticipate hearing anything about this until tomorrow, and am not going to follow up/hound him about it. Even with this, I need to let go of whatever expectations I do have (because they admittedly are there).
I am having a hard time just focusing on the present, and not being sad about not having more or wanting more. Yesterday I was markedly better at it, but overall, it's been difficult. My IC did say he is proud/impressed with how I have been, but still.
