Jealous of his new life with OW

[hoosjim]

I agree with R2C on setting measurable goals. A lot of people will set really generic goals, like "eat better and lose weight". What does it mean to "eat better"? I used to say that all the time and never followed through. Then I said "I am going to calculate my daily maintenance macros, then reduce those by 10% with a goal of losing 1 pound a week." Then I set up a phone app to track my daily macro intake, and only weighed once a week on Sunday morning and logged my weight. Suddenly I had real targets and goals and a firm plan on how to get there. A pound a week doesn't sound like much but my goal was to maintain muscle mass throughout which I did. And 3 months later I was 12 pounds down and very lean. So yes, making specific goals and plans for yourself make all the difference.

Great, great, great advice by AS, here. There is a significant history of mental illness in my family, including in my two sons, and I can tell you that effective goal-setting is a crucial component to dealing with many of them, including depression. Poorly-framed, generic, difficult-to-measure goals are the foundation for frustration and discouragement and failure. Like AS said, set goals that are measurable and specific, not generic. And if some goals seem too large, start smaller, incrementally... but keep them measurable, as he points out with is nutritional and weight loss examples. I would maybe even tighten it up more to exclude the specific weight targets (something you can't control) in favor of just the caloric intake targets and specific exercise goals ("30 minutes of cardio every day" or "walk at least a mile every day" or the like)

The DB-ing books (and coaches, if you ever go that route) make it a point to stress goal-setting in your self-improvement activities and (if you ever get that far) in your reconciliation and MC steps. Very important that your counselor (IC or MC) be a goal-oriented counselor, particularly in your case.