I would also like to add that you stop discussing your situation w/people. Choose one or two close friends to talk to and do not discuss the situation w/anyone else. The more you talk to people, the harder it will be for her to return to the marriage, if she so desires to do so later on.
Until these real life people walk a mile in your shoes and face what you are facing, then they need to step back. Trust me, right now gift giving from you is a no no. When a family is involved, we suggest purchasing something generic and have the children give it to the wayward spouse.
Until the affair is over and done with, you are on the back burner and you need to realize that you are number one. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start doings things for you and your children. Look at her as a roommate and nothing more and yes, only clean up messes that you or your children make. Don't clean up her messes...after all, she fired you as a husband.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
