Some people, my H included, lie out of habbit. It is simply a habbit for him to lie. Originally he did to protect himself, but he's gotten so used to it that it just comes naturally. He even lies when it would be just as easy to tell the truth. And it is hard to ignore that.
By me telling him that I won't take the lie he's handed out, I am asking him to stop and consider if it is the truth, and if not, what is. He's got to be comfortable enough with me to say, "crap, I meant to say..." If I still do not receive something that I can take to be honest then I know he's lying out of fear.
Even if I know he's lying, it won't do ME any good to figure out the truth. If it is putting the children in danger, I'll attack it then...but if not, I let it roll. I do try to always let him know that I am on to his game, but in a non-threatening way. By letting him know that I can identify his false statements, I am hoping he'll stop and think twice before handing me one. But that doesn't mean I have to stand around and get more frustrated by hearing the baloney either. That, is the reason for my boundary.
The baloney flying made me far more angry than anything else. And we know what anger does to a crazymaker! So, I had to stop that convo - with a quickness! That boundary, like so many others, is for ME. I'm moving forward, he can catch up later.
Betsey empahsized perfectly the point I was making with the daycare contribution story. He did so many things (as PA people do) to get my goat. When I stopped allowing it to bother me, and he started to see that he looked like the idiot the behavior began to cease. He had no reason to do it, because I wasn't paying him any attention. He had a lot more reason start acting human because he was the one getting the grief from the teachers. You see?
There is a reason they do what they do. Take away the reason and all you'll be left with are the previously formed habbits. Start breaking down those...and whamo - you've done it!
Again, I have to say, this week has been so weird! I detached, I set boundaries, he fell into line! Jeez, if only I had managed to do this months ago. You know it works when you don't CARE if it works.
"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere."
--Agnes Repplier, writer and historian
