Last stages of divorce

[Rita]

Hi, Hamburg -- I agree that W is not ready for any kind of restoration; but all the posts here are focused on what your response will do or not do as far as her behavior.

I still think that the issue here is not her behavior. We know she is ill and a mess right now, we know she will say wicked things and act immorally and that she is not ready for any kind of restoration and that everything she does will be erratic and manipulative and unfocused and that she feels rejected by you even though it's all her fault. Those are all MLC givens until they aren't!

I just still sense in your posts that you enjoy the contact with her and that you are very tempted by her reaching out and maybe even feel strange not responding to her efforts because she was/is your wife. Many here have also talked about the feeling of dating being adulterous when it happened too soon or even when it didn't. So to me the real issue here is your own healing and detachment. I always remember a post in Rejoice Ministries about how the wife did become the "EA" and even the "PA" sometimes, as he began to long to return home. That was something that wife chose to do as part of her vow to her husband, even though here it is considered cakewalking. For her it worked, for others it might lead to horrible heartache and hell. I think it's your choice what you want to allow and do with your wife, as long as you have no expectations. And the best answer for you may be what you are doing now, phone only and no contact with her except about kids while she is still in thick MLC. I would just encourage you to do more reflection/work on yourself as a way to figure out your life rather than using the parameter of one or the other woman in your life to determine what is best for your life and your kids' lives.