Cross countries separation EU

[Pack_19]

Hi all!

I have been reading today the story from Joe2017 and I have to say I am really impressed how it takes one to tango can work marvels.

Reading about WAW and WW has made me want to share more information and help from more experienced DBs.
As I said, I am aware I have neglected my M and my W has shared with me how it was hurting only then I closed myself and became defensive. This has gone on for long time but I believe I have done nothing to see her leave to a different country and be forced to be with my S6 and S1 every 15 days (no A, no abuse, no addictions beyond work excess).
We were buying a 3 bedroom amazing flat in Germany that now she claims I manipulated her into, I was so proud of our achievement and now it feels like the life I was offering is all worthless.

These are some things I heard from W when D bomb was dropped and along those 2 months I was feeling guilty and trying to spend lots of time talking to her about OR (I know, more mistakes on my side!):

"you ruined my life and family dream"
"this is all your fault, you wont touch me ever again"
"I am sick of fighting for something never existed"
"I want to get an agreement that makes filling for D quick and easy"

.... and worse, but also some things that gave me (maybe unfounded) hope

"don't talk about OM/OW, you are the issue and you need to change"
"I do not know how my future looks"
"I want to be alone, is all about my happiness"
"I moved to the UK and Germany because of you"
"I do not see R, you need to change, I need to like you and fall in love again, this is unlikely"
"Our M was so bad I could have had an A and it would have been justified, but I did not"

... and more evidence that my W is a WAW. She offered me shared custody in the south of Spain, where we are both originally from, but she knows I cannot work on the great company I do from there. She also used the fact that I travel at work to argue I could not support shared custody. When I was feeling like a rug, guilty and worthless as a man I thought let her go to the south of Spain and figure herself out, I will find a way to move to Madrid, work from there, GAL, be my best and maybe one day we can R there. Now I am a lake of doubts, I am not sure if I am ruining my life for a person that will never look back.

Maybe I can get some help from Sandi2 or similar to understand what she might be going through and why she still seems to be on fire and hate me deeply.

In my effort to GAL and detach, I am:

- go to opera, trips and museums on my own
- fresh work start in Madrid happening early 2020 hopefully
- weight lifting and running
- eating really healthy
- planning activities with my children
- learning to play piano
- go out with friends
- read DB/DR and other great books
- new cologne, taking care of clothes and beard

I will be my best for myself and my children. Some days I am a mess, cry at home, I talk to Alexa or kiss the pillow goodnight, but I have determined myself to lean on the great people in this forum! Thank you all for your help!