Wonder--You raised some terrific musings here. I wanted to address them now in case this is unclear to anyone who is tuning into our episode for the first time.
A "boundary" is not another version of a means of controlling someone. It is merely a definition to encapsulate a value we hold dear. And then that means you enforce it.
A control issue is something you have when you want someone to do your bidding. That is not reasonable, nor is it a boundary.
A boundary should be something that we've considered and decided is too important to ignore or to reject. For instance, IF Mr. Wonderful were to continue drinking and driving (which he does not do, this is hypothetical), I would have no qualms in petitioning for full custody of our girls.
That is a deal breaker for me, because it means that he would have no regard for his own life or the life of others. That is a boundary I feel is important in enforcing.
There are always consequences for decisions. Unless I'm the parent, it isn't my job to mete out punishment or point this out. But I've found that they always present themselves, and if I'm patient AND silent, they usually speak much louder than I ever could.
So summarizing, while we can express how we would like to be treated to someone, we cannot force them to do our bidding. However, we CAN and SHOULD take care of ourselves if they choose not to respect our wishes. That is done by taking action: whether leaving the situation or avoiding interaction with the offender. It shows respect for ourselves when we demonstrate that certain behaviors are intolerable.
I hope this clears up any confusion on control issues vs. boundaries.
With that, I wish all mothers a happy weekend! May there be no fights with children or enforcing boundaries!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Betsey 
