It seemed the more I snooped & confronted him w/ "the evidence", the more he lied. So, Trust became a bigger & bigger issue. Now I try to think of what I would be doing to show him I trust him: (snip)
I already know he lies, so why do I have to keep proving it? Why let him know that I know? Clearly he KNOWS when he lies, why he lies, and CHOSES to do so. What's in it for me to continue to snoop & flog him w/ the evidence?
I think what is finally getting into my head is that he already knows WHEN he is lying, WHY he is lying and he CHOSES to lie. This is his choice & it only 'affects' me when I CHOSE to listen to them.
So your action is to let him know that you know. I've done that, and it seems to drive him nuts & I think it just makes him try to be a better liar. So, aren't we encouraging the wrong behavior?
The 'lies' I'm talking about are usually about small things - but what disturbs me so, of course, is that if i can't trust him on the insignficant things, can i trust him on bigger things? What if i'm not so smart and am good at catching only the little lies and missing the BIG ones?
I think detaching definitely helps. But not quite sure yet whether it's best to confront or choose to be unaffected. Will we ever know WHY they lie? Who's skin are they saving, theirs or ours?
