Quote: Boundaries were another bafflement to me for the longest time. I’d say, “don’t be late” and H would inevitably, be late. I would say, “don’t lie to me” and H would inevitably, lie through his teeth. I’d say, “you need to contribute” and H would inevitably, do exactly what he wanted to contribute and nothing more. And I stood there going, “why won’t he let me enforce these boundaries?” and get discouraged.
Okay, the key there, as scary as it is to know you are going to piss off that spouse, is to STOP the talking and START the actions. He’s late, I leave. Period. They’ll get it. I promise. Remember the airplane? It will take off when it is scheduled to take off. It doesn’t care about traffic, or anything else.
If I may jump in w/ a question. I do understand the ACTION of leaving if he's late. But I am curious as to what actions you took for the "don't lie to me" and "you need to contribute"?
thanks, lots of interesting stuff on this thread to ponder! -H2H
