Wow, some great perspectives over here! I want to speak to them all.
First, UR, I didn’t think you were bashing online dating. But I agree, trying something else if one thing isn’t working is to try something new. I’ve been taking this time in my dating hiatus to really really think about what I am willing to accept. I do know what I want. But I’ve been pretty loose on what I am willing to accept from someone else. M did teach me that I do not need to accept any less and wanting what I want is not wrong. In the end I played the game his way and I still lost.
I do feel like I’m working up a little bit. Exercise is definitely helping. Keeping busy is helping. I’m trying to trouble shoot my issues. Trying to take tiny steps to feel better. And I’m doing it outside of having a guy to spend tome with. I’m doing it myself. I’m proud of that.
Juju, you and I think a lot alike. Love very much the same too, and want the same out of relationships. I do not have to play those games, Don. I can’t. I can make myself less accommodating, but the push and the pull and feigning disinterest . Not my thing. I could not stand the push/pull game M was playing with me. I become quiet and he comes closer, after 6 months, that dance does not have to be done anymore. And that’s when the dance started with him. I should be able to ask my boyfriend to hang out. I should expect a decent portion of his free tome he is going to want to spend with me. That I don’t need to play The Who is going to ask who out first” game anymore. That’s kids stuff. I have dated guys who can be upfront and don’t need these games. Who like to give time and attention without a front. And believe it or not, I am a lot less than most women. I am not clingy and needy. I don’t “need” it. I want it. And the guy should want it too. I go out with my girls, I like my guy to go out with his guys. You have your hobbies and I have mine. But when all is taken care of, I don’t need to play games for the rest of your attention.
Online dating : Juju has admittedly had exceptional luck and hasn’t had to deal with what I have. So I’m not surprised she loves it. It worked very very well for her with minimal frogs . I can’t say I love it, but I can say I’m thankful for it, because without it and the lifestyle I live, I’d have much less of a chance. I happen to know many couples where it has been highly successful. Many who are married and those currently in LTR. I think generally have have just been pretty unlucky in love.
Honestly though, I have friends and know people where boy likes girl, girl likes boy and they date. No silly push pull games, no doing all this intensive inner work, they just kept it simple and it works out. It is just so complicated to meet someone and have a connection and nurture it. Man, I would love that.
