"Don't believe anything she says and only half of what she does". Learn it and live it.
Have no expectations from her (like her being around for Xmas for example).
Detach from her. It means don't get angry with her. Don't let her have an effect on your mood.
Think and act, don't feel and react. The "Feel & React" approach is how most drive the nails into the coffin after BD in my opinion. Nothing requires an immediate response so remember that and learn how to validate and respond without injecting your views too much.
^^^EXACTLY^^^
Originally Posted by Core
Ready to do anything to restore the family.
A lot of LBS's say that, but they're really not willing to do "anything". Because the one thing they really need to do is let go, detach and drop the rope. Almost none are willing to for months and months, so they keep pursuing and hanging on and calling it something else. In one breath it's "I've detached and it feels good!" and in the next "my W did XYZ and I'm so upset, what do I do?" and in the next "should I buy her presents and ask her out on dates?" Not detached.
She will not even think about coming back as long as she knows you are Plan B. It is a paradox. These lines from the movie Swingers help explain it:
MIKE And what if I don't want to give up on her?
ROB You don't call.
MIKE But you said I shouldn't call if I wanted to give up on her.
ROB Right.
MIKE So I don't call either way.
ROB Right.
MIKE So what's the difference?
ROB The only difference between giving up and not giving up is if you take her back when she wants to come back. See, you can't do anything to make her want to come back. You can only do things to make her not want to come back.
MIKE So the only difference is if I forget about her or pretend to forget about her.
ROB Right.
MIKE Well that su***.
ROB It su***.
MIKE So it's almost a retroactive decision. So I could, like, let's say, forget about her and when she comes back make like I just pretended to forget about her.
ROB Right...or more likely the opposite.
MIKE Right... Wait, what do you mean?
ROB I mean first you'll pretend not to care, not call - whatever, and then, eventually, you really won't care.
MIKE Unless she comes back first.
ROB Ah, see, that's the thing. Somehow they don't come back until you really don't care anymore.
