Briget, I hate to think that I upset you! I didn't mean to.
I know that I have very strong opinions. I throw them out here to get the conversation going. It helps to enlighten me on some of my thoughts.
I understand your pain. I have been there.
You need to see that your husband isn't "trading up." He isn't going "up" at all. He is remaining in one level place, while you, on the other hand, are growing.
I know it is easier to blame the other person, as you don't want to believe that the person you love is capable of these actions on his own. Really, Briget, you need to feel sorry for both of them. They are both lacking something in their lives, and they are searching in the wrong places.
I used to HATE my H's OW too. I especially hated that she joyfully jumped into every activity he liked. "Oh you like to work on cars? I would LOVE to help you with that....I LOVE cars...."
O.K., but I have to examine why that bugged me. No, I don't like working on cars! I'm quite sure she didn't either. But, she was willing to meet him halfway in an interest of his. I wasn't. I can't blame him for wanting to be with someone who was enthusiastic about his interests. And, in her defense- who am I to say it was manipulative?
If it was, well, then I just joined the manipulative club too. I need to find those things to connect with my H, and I'm working hard to do so. When I was first dating him, I would have gladly worked on his car with him as a means of spending time together. At some point though, it became more about ME, instead of US.
I don't fault you for your feelings Briget. I just know that the sooner you can forgive her, the better off you will be with your H.
