Up until September we seemed normal minus being a little more argumentative which I attributed to sleep loss and a number of unexpected house issues and family health concerns. In Sept, my W and I decided to put in an offered on a new house which was accepted. I ended up having a concern with mold on the property and pulled the offer. My wife said this would hurt her but I sadly did it anyway.� She said to "do what I want". I regret this day.
This is not the problem. You said later that she contacted OM the day after you pulled the offer. That CLEARLY says that she was already thinking about an affair. The house thing was just "the final straw" for her to pull the trigger on making contact. Be glad that you didn't go through with the deal, because my brother did. Little did he know his W had been planning her escape for quite some time, but wanted to buy a bigger house because she thought "maybe it will change things", which of course it did not. So on top of an affair, separation and divorce, my brother found himself in desperate financial condition because of the new house, and he still hasn't recovered from it (it's been around 8 years).
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She took a preplanned business trip to europe. During her trip, she didnt contact me or the kids once.
You can bet she was burning up OM's phone though.
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She said she messaged the other guy and broke it off but wouldnt show me the message due to trust violations.
Classic gaslighting. Are you familiar with the term? Google it if not. Know what it means and understand it so you can recognize when she does it again (which she will). The affair more than likely continues. She's just gone deeper undercover after getting busted.
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We've been in limbo since. We had a great Thanksgiving, are talking about xmas, she called me for the first time to talk about my opinion on gifts, has made some of my favorite dinners and we've smiled and laughed together.
Don't read anything into it, it's really just an indication that she's not feeling pressured. She's still quietly planning her escape though.
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I dont know if she is WAS or WW at this point.
Sounds like a WW.
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Do I get her xmas gifts?
If you do then put the kids' names on them. Don't get her anything personal like a sexy nightie or anything like that.
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Should I be distancing or making her laugh and having her see my changes in person. She asks where I'm going when I leave, and tells me where she is going. As we've the two kids, I'm not sure if we are keeping the peace or on a slow recovery. What are your thoughts?
My thoughts are she's biding her time, this probably isn't a recovery. Recoveries while living under the same roof are very unusual. I'm not trying to kill your hopes, but rather give you some realistic expectations. These situations take a long time to resolve.
Regarding her long bathroom breaks and such, it is exactly what you think it is.
