Well it is coming up on that time again. BD anniversary date. 12/23 will be two years since BD. It amazes me the amount of anxiety that date can still drum up.
Most of you that were here last year know that last year at this time I was struggling with why I fought so hard to save my marriage. Why I didn't just walk away after BD last year. I struggled for a couple of months with the idea of pulling the plug myself, as most of you are aware.
This year I am much more content in our new MR. After the speed bump in the late summer, as documented here, things are back on an even keel. Her and I are settling into middle-age, heading towards old-age, with a firm commitment to each other and to our MR. And this time I am not resting on my laurels. I continue to read, learn and improve. The sale of the old house has move forward, and soon I will insist that her and I get back into MC. I will get back into IC. I am never again going to sit back and just let life come at me, I am going to go out and get out of life what I want.
Anyway, I am sure I will come back here as the emotions of that date continue to rise and fall. Just wanted to give a quick update.
Steve85, I have been following your sitch for some time now. Although, I never commented. I’m glad to hear that things are going well with you and your wife. Your situation always gave me hope.
It’s funny that you say you battled with the decision to fight for your marriage. I can truly relate to that. I beat myself up sometimes for not walking away 2 years ago when I was first BD’d. Anyway, I won’t hijack your thread, it’s just good to hear that you and your wife are committed to building a new marriage. I wish you both the best!
I think part of it is laziness? I think after a year of always being on, last year at this time I was ready to just sit back and relax. And just come down for a while. I also think I had gotten a little lax in my GAL. GAL is not a temporary, just get me through my sitch thing. It is a lifelong thing. We should always be GAL! Just like we should always be self-improving (180s) and always being in a healthy level of self-differentiation (detachment).
If you think about it, the easiest way to bring about death in any aspect is to do nothing. If you sat down in one spot and did nothing, in a short period of time you would die right there. Same with relationships. Sitting down and doing nothing will bring about the death of your MR.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
