How does one handle a 180 regarding the "as if" attitude? My attitude and stance has always been "I want to be with you and am OK alone." My H knows that I can be 100% OK sitting and home and move on from things. One of the issues in our marriage was me being too independent and him not feeling needed or wanted enough. Doing NC, doesn't that feed into that issue? I don't want to call him up wallowing and crying and begging, but how does one walk that line on a 180 while still giving space for him to think?
This is a very common question/ concern. Let me offer two scenarios in response:
Scenario 1- you and your H have been going through a rough spot and you talk about it. He says he thinks you've been cold and distant in the M and would like for you to try to do something about it. The proper response in this case is to be more warm and loving, reach out more, text more, have more sexy time, pay attention to him and make him feel wanted and loved. Maybe look into some MC, and pick up a few books on how to bring love back to the M.
Scenario 2- you've been BD'd. Your H is done and wants out of the M. When asked why he drags out a laundry list of things, one of which is you were too cold and distant in the M.
The difference in scenario 2 is that your H does not want you to fix what he perceives as wrong, because he is ALREADY DONE. Most WAS's really struggle with this, because they -think- that the response to scenario 1 is what will "fix" scenario 2 as well. But by the time you've been BD'd a switch has been flipped and there's no magic pill to fix things. You're faced with a lot of hard work and patience to bounce back from scenario 2. You give him time and space and work on yourself. You focus on your life, you get out and GAL. You do things to increase your attractiveness and appeal. And eventually once he wrestles his demons to the ground, maybe he'll approach you about recon.
