Here is where I’m stuck. I read everything, lots of stories and it seems like the only people happy post divorce are those who partnered back up. I’ve got kids who need me and I just can’t date.
Your kids are teens, not helpless toddlers. Many of us jumped back into dating with teens (or younger) still in the house. If you choose not to date then that's fine, but that is exactly what it is- your CHOICE, not something being forced on you because you're caring for babies.
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I know people do it but I won’t.
If you choose not to then that is your prerogative. But don't choose not to and then complain about your own choice. It's like driving your car to the grocery store and then complaining that it took you there! You are the driver of your life.
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So on a good day this means I’ll be tied up for at least 10 more years. I want them to be fully functional, on their own adults before I even attempt another relationship.
They're teens, if they are not already "fully functional" and able to take care of themselves a few hours then you should get to work on that!
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Will I be unhappy until I’m in another relationship?
You will be unhappy until you can get this depression wrestled to the ground. You weren't happy when you were still with your H, you were in a deep state of depression that drove him away. And you certainly haven't been happy since he left. I hope you can come to realize that your current state of unhappiness has nothing to do with being married or being separated or dating or getting your husband back. I'm not sure what your counselor says but it sure sounds like you are still stuck deep in depression. That should be your focus- what can you and your counselor and your doctor do to get that under control.
Pure gold from AS, as usual.
kas, happiness comes from within. So many people are unhappy these days because they try to find happiness externally. Money, career, people, power, sex, stuff, religion. None of that can make you happy. I am a devout Christian, but my faith isn't what makes me happy. I have to find joy, peace, contentment internally first. People that chase the external to make them happy are never happy. I see people that do that all the time.
My W watches the show hoarders. As a neat freak germaphobe, that show is too much for me. But what I find is that the people that are hoarding all of this stuff think that the stuff will make them happy. Yet they are miserable, living in miserable conditions, and having a house full of stuff, or even if they had multiple houses full of stuff, that isn't going to fill the unhappy emptiness inside of them.
Find your inner-peace. Your inner-happiness. Be content with who you are. In fact, one of the red flags I see here is you are trying to make your kids happy. That isn't in your power. And it certainly isn't even something you can influence if you aren't happy yourself.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
