When the wayward spouse does abit of chores, she would amplify it and makes as if she is the one that had been handling all the housekeeping and it's all her effort.
Conversation was started by her with regards to their well being touching on sleeping time of the kids and their request for ice-cream etc. She was claiming that although now is the holiday period, the kids should not sleep later than 10:00 pm and they should not be having Ice-Cream etc.
Although I validate on the part on kids should not sleep that late and not having Ice-Cream on a very frequent basis, I disagree on her extreme handling on it to the extend that kids should not have any of these treats, lollipop and sleeping later than 10:30pm like it is the rule of law. (However if she is the one that breaks it, it's fine).
I told her to cut the kids some slack. They are after all children. I told her to think like a 6 and 9 year old and what they like and what makes them happy? She is clamping down on them like how her mum had been treating her when she was young. She was not happy and now she is doing the same thing to our kids?
Then she starts to claim that now I am trying to be the "good guy" and allowing them to do or give whatever they want / like while she took on the role of a bad person. I told her that was never the intention. What I meant is in moderation. She was banning the kids from this and that and whenever there's the opportunity or behind our back, the kids would start to gorge themselves silly and lie to us. I told her I do not want this to become a characteristic behaviour that they carry into adulthood of hiding things. And how long can you restrict them?
They are growing up and they would have ample of opportunity to do it, either you like it or not. Most importantly is to explain to them and educate them on their choices. Likewise I told her I have stopped imposing strict restriction on the kids on their TV time but teaching them how to manage. We should not be so tough on them like she only allow 1 hour of TV time each even though it's the school holiday now and the kids are at home the whole day with nothing to do.
She starts to mentioned they should play their toys. I told her no kids play the same toys over and over again. We can allow them several activities in moderation. Next she claims she is the one who is always packing their toys and we are not doing anything blah blah blah (Just because she did that last weekend). I told her, well I appreciate you for packing the toys. But running a home and keeping it going is not only about packing the toys. There are many other chores that are ongoing in the background and we have been doing it. Just that we never sound out or mention it, doesn't mean we are not contributing to the household chores nor everything will just fall in place by themselves.
What I am sharing with you now is not to push blame but grooming the kids is our responsibility. If it does not work in one way, we try using another way. Just think of it that if you are a 9 year old kid what makes you happy? How would you feel if you are being restricted like the way you are doing to your kids? She just went quiet after that.
Seriously, its funny coming from someone who is missing from action most of the time and start making alot of noise for being around for a bit of time and doing something. Even the domestic helper was telling me that she's always kicking a fuss when she is back. And my elder boy had been challenging her more and more recently for her method towards him.
I have been releasing the rope more and more. On other times, the conversation with her had improved when I told her she does not need to talked to me in the manner she did. With angst in her tone or what. Thus after the previous post, she had talked to me more pleasantly. Previously she was telling me that she does not wish to mislead me or give me hope as I will be receiving the first draft of the divorce paper soon. I told her thanks for that. I am actually not harboring any hope or what so she can don't worry about that. I am just doing what a man is doing and how a father is treating his children. Just let me know when the papers will be here and I will let my lawyer know too. But she never reply after that.
I also had a change of mind recently. I would live at the house until the divorce has wrap up and the house being disposed then move out with my kids. I think both the chaps need sometime to transit as previously when I told them that we are shifting and we are separating, they both hugged me and cried. Mentioning they don't want to.
Well got to arrange some counselling sessions for them to when this happens. It's just irritating for what happened this morning. Especially the part on the amplification of self. We done alot for the house and the family and we never mention or claim credits for it because it's our home.
Not being away and neglecting all your duties, then help out a bit and start throwing your weight around and discrediting the others.
M:38 W:38 T:14 M: 12 S:9 S:6 BD: 07/18 W Moved out: 5/19 W Moved in: 7/19 D draft received: 12/19
