A few suggestions: I might perhaps recommend re-reading this post and see how much you are still talking about W and how she is feeling. That is an area you can work on.
I might also recommend that you take care in assigning any of your W's past actions/feelings/emotions/words to any particular cause for MR troubles. While analyzing what happened may help you to understand how you got where you are today, I am fairly certain your W is not thinking those same things right now.
Thanks IW. This post was more of a vent post, frustrated at myself for not being as detached as I'd like. I felt like I needed to make a confession =) Or maybe I just needed an outlet for the balled-up energy after working hard not to engage in the moment.
There is a lot of emotional bait floating around my sitch. Just today I was accused of "playing games" and not displaying kindness (by asking to talk about parenting schedules in mediation). My W told me the only reason she moved here was to hopefully fix my unhappiness (rewriting history).
It's soooo hard to avoid the temptation to defend, to explain, to spell out my point of view.
It's a test of my validation skills. Instead of hearing:
W: "Son's behavioral issues may be due to you."
-or-
W: "I want XYZ to be the same as they were before D."
-or-
W: "You are not being reasonable."
-or-
W: "Mediation would be a colossal waste of money."
-or-
W: "I can't go back to work while things are uncertain."
I feel like I should hear:
W: "Feelings feelings feelings."
I will keep working at it. I need to stop taking it personally, stop focusing on how traumatizing it feels, and instead just let it be. I'm a good person and a good dad. I have a right to a happy life. I didn't ruin my W's life. I need to let her take her own journey. But not at my expense.
