Jealous of his new life with OW

[kas99]

You completely focused on none of the reality of what I said, but instead your mind is thinking about how your H will never have to online date? How in god’s name can this make your life any better?! You are wasting your mental energy that needs to be focused on you.

This honestly makes me want to cry. Not in a bad way just pain. These problems have plagued me my whole life. Always comparing myself to others. Always focusing on what other people have that I don't. I do this with lots of people not just my WAH. None of this makes my life better of course. Again I want to cry. I don't know (yet) how to think differently. How to see my life differently. I'm unhappy and I've got it in my head that the solution is out there. Logically I know it isn't but emotionally I still think it is.

Please read what I wrote you multiple times. Really take it in. Because you are spinning in circles, hearing nothing of what we are saying and are so focused on made up scenarios of your H. Ask yourself how this is helping you at all.

Cr@p....crying. I know I'm spinning. None of this helps. Unless I'm distracted (tv, cooking, whatever) these thoughts, mind movies, haunt me, then I start spiraling thinking of all I have lost. I even think people here are going to get sick of my incessant whining. D17 gets sick of it (I have gotten better), tells me to stop it and then there is all this pain and I don't know what to do with it.

I understand you are hurting. But if you don’t want to hurt anymore, you have got to take steps towards that. You have to do the work. It’s some of the hardest work you’ll ever do, but you have to do it

I don't even know what I'm supposed to be doing exactly. Today I did actual work instead of spending all day online. I cooked dinner for my kids, had a nice long chat with S19 about how we are going to detail our cars come spring, started some laundry and did the dishes. I'm about to order some khaki's for my 6'0'' bean pole of a son. Now D17 is here wanting to watch Vampire Diaries with me. So now I have to go. I'm not crying anymore so that's a good thing right??