Down, but not out ..... yet.

[DonH]

And Ginger is starting to get her Mo-Jo back! Great to see. I kinda knew you would and also knew that you'd come around on some of the suggestions as I've seen that from you time and again. You're quick reaction is to defend and say why it can't be done but then you think about it a bit and days to weeks to months later you are doing it - like trying meetups, etc. Gym, diet, friends, meet-ups - all great stuff right there.

As for the OLD - I guess I am kinda bashing it but it's just how I see it - especially for me. Sure it's better than nothing, I'll certainly give it that and if someone has absolutely no other outlet, yeah give it a try. Or give it a try along with other things. I just think that even if you can't meet people at work or other places, the time spent OLD could be spent at a meetup or new hobby or class or something else.

I'm also speaking mostly for me. Maybe it's worse for guys? I just know that in general people will do and say things online that they never would think of doing in person. Sure you can find out things about your potential date OLD - or can you? In person they can't make themselves look 10 years younger or 50 pounds lighter - as happens with old photos OLD. Plus talk is cheap. They can say how hilarious they are but in person they have to prove it. I just think that you have to go in figuring that 7 our of 10 people are not what they say they are - perhaps 8 or even 9 out of 10. It's just what I've seen and heard from so many.

I guess in the end there is no "best" way to date. I'm just saying that if OLD keeps NOT working, why keep doing it? It's worked somewhat for you KML - not at all for many others - including me. And for me I actually felt worse after trying while getting the same results - actually I've gotten better results off-line. That's just what I'm trying to say.

My last thought was about trying to find a guy who actually is looking for an LTR and will show that early on and such. Again, I hate to be all huge on the why men love bitches book but it just all makes so much sense and I guess validates how I've felt or even explains why I feel like I do. She totally says to NOT try to vet guys for LTR. Just go out date and have fun. It's a similar mantra of the Coach. I've experienced it! I remember an otherwise great potential match (at least I thought so) from OLD some 10+ years ago. She really checked a lot of boxes until she told me she would not even consider dating someone (once) unless she thought it might go somewhere. I was out. Who knows what might have happened had she NOT said that. It also clearly dawned on me that the women I've really been into perhaps all my life turned me down now and then and did not come off as wanting something or too eager. Again it's straight from the book. I was like, Oh yeah, that's why I was so interested in the lady from AK. She was very matter fact of saying, "sorry I'm busy" but yet would come to me now and then to initiate so I knew there was some interest. Even wild girl went much farther than I thought it would and may have kept going longer - well until her true colors came out and wanted to move in with me like she did with the guy that came after me - but my point is, yes I'm actually going to get to the point, Ginger it will be the kiss of death if you try to vet to only the serious guys - and here's why - any guy might fall for you and become a serious guy even if that's not what he wanted to happen. It sort of started to happen to me with both these women and may have gone much farther had things kept going. Then all of a sudden, a guy like me will say, what in the hell just happened I fell in love with this girl and I can't let her go. That's what you need to have happen. That's how you control the narrative. You don't go out with him all the time, you don't allow him to control things by saying he can only see you one day and then you keep that day open to accommodate him. You don't text or talk everyday - at least in the early going and 6 months is still the early going. That's how a guy falls in love. If they feel they have to defend and come up with lame excuses as to why they can't get together, he's too busy being defensive and back peddling to fall.

When you do get back out there - put everything within you to just be casual about it. Don't worry about the future. You'll see soon enough if he's for you but the thing is, the less you want him, the less you accommodate him, the less you do for him, the less you chase him, the more he will want you. I'm totally an example of that.

Hopefully you'll continue here with a great week!