Re: 95% or whatever - I am going to wait and give him whatever time he needs to sort his feelings out. If a time comes where I decide I am just over it and want him to move the rest of his stuff out of the house and GTFO more than I want to work stuff out, that's how long I will wait. I know what it feels like to feel 95% - that's how I felt in my first M. I was mostly done, but went to counseling in the offchance it'd work. It (among other things) didn't. IDK where that 5% is coming from, and ultimately it doesn't matter. He knows where I stand, and I currently don't feel like a doormat by being in limbo. We are both growing right now, and I need to be patient with both of us. It's only been 5 weeks - 2 of those he was at his moms, 3 in his new place 4 hours away.
While I am hurt right now, I do actually support his moving away and doing what he needs to do to feel OK, with or without me. Marrying someone in the military means sometimes we will be apart. I made it clear that I support it and don't see it as an obstacle to R.
I was actually planning on saying something similar about MC after our next session (I have some stuff I want to say in the next one) because I do believe that. He had said after our last one that he doesn't have much more to say, and while he was willing to still go, didn't want it to be fruitless, either. I agree with that. I don't think he would agree to one of those weekends. Military offers some relationship weekends away, and we have talked about that. How do I navigate this convo knowing that he wouldn't agree to something like that? As far as paperwork - I think the onus is on him to file anything, since he is the one who wants it. We have only been separated for 5 weeks, and the state requires 6 months, so we have a bit.
Assuming I have a chance to turn him down, I will! Giving vague answers about my birthday was HARD. And I can tell he found that to be strange/different for me. Again, not sure when I will really have an opportunity to be vague anyhow, as there isn't currently a reason for us to communicate.
One of our dogs is the kind of dog that when he escapes, the only way to get him to come back is to ignore him. (the other dog feels immediate guilt and runs right back in!) I am trying to think about that in this whole thing. I don't intend to fully ignore my H, but it helps me remember to not chase. If we go after that dog, he just continues to run. If not, he sits across from the house and just stares at us. Eventually he gets curious and comes back. Sometimes I do put a treat or something in the yard, but not active chase.
I am still in the crying every day phase, wanting to call him phase, but I haven't given in and I know it'll eventually get easier, and I am finding ways to make it easier on myself. I try to not analyze every interaction that comes up. I have started reading the quotes and will continue - thank you. Part of my GAL is not being a gross slob at home, and that is for me. I have taken more pride in my appearance (I used to work in the beauty industry, and then in an office alone for a small business, so did a 180 there and am trying to come back from it now that I have a job sort of inbetween). My coworkers have noticed (saying I look like a model and amazing etc), and one time when H came to get the dogs the first thing he said was 'wow your hair looks great!' This is all for me, though - taking care of myself for me.
Regarding the holiday party next week in our social group - I am excited because this is a place where I am openly high value, and will see lots of people who see me as such, and that will feel good, and I think add to whatever he's got going on in his mind (or not - either way, I will have fun and look amazing.)
