Jealous of his new life with OW

[hoosjim]

You can't always put your kids first. Not over your MR, definitely (when you are in an ongoing one), and, in many respects, not first over you personally. You can't raise fully healthy, stable children if you yourself are a wreck.

And this is not just me talking... I talked to three different professionals, all highly respected, over the course of my own journey, and also have two friends/acquaintances who are counselors, and they all tell me the same thing: You put your marital relationship and then your own health first. This doesn't mean you "abandon" your children, but you can't be a helicopter parent and swoop in to cover every little thing at the cost of your own health and well being. They need to see Mom and Dad (if you are together) or Mom, individually, and Dad, individually, being happy, healthy people. In your case, if your H is as much of a trainwreck as you say, it is doubly important for you to "Be the Lighthouse" and carry the torch for them. I have had both counselors and clergy put it to me in these terms: "Think about the safety briefing you get whenever you fly... Does the flight crew tell you to put the oxygen mask on your child first and THEN on yourself? No, of course not. They tell you to put the mask on YOURSELF first because ONLY THEN are you best equipped (i.e. not lightheaded or giddy or oxygen-starved or otherwise impaired) to help your children and others around you.

So, it's not about abandoning or not abandoning your kids, it is about making sure you are the best "you" you can be so you can be the best Mom you can be. And believe it or not being there to swoop in for every little skinned knee or every little disruption in their little snowflake lives is not the way to do it. You need to take some time for yourself... that is IF you really want to be the best Mom you can be.

And dont try to pick away at what i typed above or play semantics with me or rationalize because i know from your posting history that that is what you are going to try to do. You are an amazing person BUT YOU NEED TO GET UP OFF THE SOFA AND OUT OF YOUR PIT OF DESPAIR AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
... and, no, NOT just for you, but for your kids... So don't even think of telling me that "you cant" or that "you don't have the time" or that "it would be selfish of me"... because it wouldn't. Your kids need a happy, healthy Mom... they need the best YOU.