I hope you are all well and managing your M woes. I know I have been missing from the boards. My life has been consumed with day-to-day stuff, kids, work, home life, and most of all the kids' travel sports (their practices, lessons and weekends out of town). This season kicked my behind with a lot of travel and exploring the option of my middle playing college ball. It is a lifestyle and one that is super exhausting, and also filled with highs, but maybe more lows. I found myself getting pulled in too far and it started to feel overwhelming. Like all things in life, sometimes we have to step back and ask ourselves why we are doing something! So as a parent, I had to think about the lessons I was teaching my kids and make some difficult decisions and changes.
I feel pretty good about those changes. I liken being a sports mom to how I handle other things in life, including my M. I tend to put an obsessive amount of energy into things and often I can get it to work. I am actually embarrassed to admit how far I have taken things for my kids sports. The thing is, it works. Putting a lot of time and energy into something and networking to the top leaders in that field, often works. It does for me anyways. But what I am also realizing is that the end result might actually be the same. I think the same can be said about relationships. We can do all of these things to try, manipulate, and understand someone and we may even get them back. However, the end result years later might just be the same. Sometimes we have to let go of control and let things unfold naturally. I know I do. I am not sure how much sense that makes to people. This season we had to let go of something big in order to make room for something better.
Curtis, how are things? I still need to read your sitch. I don't visit here enough to keep up with people. I apologize.
Kristin, thank you for reading and replying. I appreciate the support. I will try and check out your threads too.
My M is in an interesting place. Things are okay on a day to day basis. We have moments were we tolerate each other and are annoyed by the same old things. Then we have these bursts of closeness. A spark is still in there. It is hard to access that on any continual basis. I suspect that is mostly my fault. Sandi talks a lot about having to have respect for attraction to be genuine. I completely agree. I have to train myself to respect him. By that I mean letting go of grudges and accepting his actions and who he really is. Sometimes I pick at things or hold on to hard feelings. I know it is not always fair. I can feel it. I think we are also not good at communicating. We get annoyed and bicker and then we wait for it to pass. I have to change that. I am trying to think of new ways I can communicate outside of the moment in a more calm and respectful way. Sometimes the most basic things feel the hardest.
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
