22 Years Gone Part 2

[rooskers]

With your comment about XW being just like mum, do you think this was a subsonscious motivation or spark of chemistry that attracted you to your XW?

They don't look like each other but they do act very similar. Reflecting back I think it was a lot like putting myself in an environment I had growing up. My XW like my mom love me as long as I am meeting their needs and they are the center of my attention. As soon as I stop meeting their needs and work on myself they want nothing more to do with me, become very passive aggressive, and sometimes down right mean. They both have inner demons that they need to work through and I wanted to be their saviors. Instead I have been swallowed by their pain, suffering, anger, and self loathing. The only way out I can see right now is to remove myself completely and let them have the space to work on themselves or continue in their misery.

So I was talking with a friend this weekend and found out my XW is completely trashing me at her workplace. The only problem is talk like this eventually gets back to D13 because a lot of the people she works with send their children to our school. D13 has a hard time when she hears all this nasty stuff about me and knows it isn't true. She continues the theme many of us are going through: I was always abusive, controlling, angry, manipulative, not masculine enough, lazy, etc...

Still trying to keep my chin up but my car broke down this weekend. I am really hoping 2020 goes better.