Thanksgiving turned out very nicely, all things considered. My parents came, so with myself, D4 and H it was a small gathering. I hosted at my place, which was nice for me. H was texting the night before and morning of to see what he needed to bring which I appreciated. His messages had a funny vibe to them (I know text is sooooo hard to decipher anyway, but relative to his usual text tone, it was odd). My best friend and her daughter came over in the early morning to visit. She happens to have a long career in mental health. She commented that she thought he sounded depressed. I’ve thought that many times the last few weeks.
When he arrived he brought the groceries, as well as a bouquet of my favorite flowers. He hugged me, albeit a bit awkwardly. I was touched, and thanked him sincerely.
I definitely felt he was a bit flat affect and down seeming. One thing that was good perspective for me was that I took it personally at first, assuming he was being guarded toward me. But when my parents arrived (they have always loved and embraced him and vice versa) he had the same demeanor. I realized it had nothing to do with me at all, and then was able to be more empathetic toward him. He really was trying, but he wasn’t his usual gregarious self.
Anyway we all spent the day talking and cooking and playing with D4, and it was very pleasant. H cleaned up and washed dishes after my parents left, and we put D4 to bed. H was tired and I could tell he felt badly in some way. He kept apologizing for not cleaning enough as he was getting ready to go. For my part, I was feeling pretty sad at that point. Watching him walk out the door and being alone for the evening after a nice thanksgiving hit me hard. I did my best to keep it in, but I am notorious for showing my feelings in my face no matter how hard I try not to. He probably Picked up on that and felt...whatever he felt. I won’t pretend to know. He left and I cried and then watched a movie to cheer up. I’m trying to appreciate it as one more holiday for D4 where we are all together.
