My name is Paco, originally Spanish but I had been living in Germany for 2.5 years with my wife and two sons when she asked me for a D. I have been focused on my career and neglected my marriage but I have always been a great father in and out of the house and had no doubts my W was the woman I want for the rest of my life. At the beginning I was a mess, I could not concentrate at work, I got emotional and lost temper, there were fights at home where my W said horrible things to me and I told her she was a coward and giving up on our family, there was crying… I did many bad things that I guess reinforced her decision to leave. She speaks very little German and after a brief holiday separated in Spain she said she wanted to go back to Seville as in her eyes our relationship was dead and it would be easier for her to start over.
I did my best to keep calm and keep my family in Munich where I thought the future of my children was stronger but after fights and threatening and other terrible things I agreed to sign a separation agreement so that she could go to Spain and I would visit every 15 days, she also said that would be the single possibility to save our relationship although she believed that to be impossible. I work in the best company in the world (popular online American store famous for fast shipping) so I have managed to find the way to move back to Spain (Madrid or remotely from Seville) because as you can imagine I am 200% up for saving my marriage and family.
It’s been only a month after separation, I have read DB almost twice now, I started GAL about 2 weeks ago (opera, sports, lost weight, good eating, out with friends, museums, tones of books, good music and plans with my children when I am in Spain every two weeks) but my big question is how is my W ever going to notice change if we are in different countries and all she will speak to me about is expenses from our children and via email. As many of you might have experienced, I do not recognize my W, my friends and family are discouraging when it comes to my attitude as they see me hurt and being run over by my W and all I can do is work to be my best, get a happy life and hope she will decide to give us a chance at some point in the future.
After our separation, I know she still seeks divorce and the last time we spoke on the phone she told me I should be as far as possible from her, we could never be happy together, she blamed me for all that is happening and the effect it is having in our children and she shouted that she does not want to speak to me before hanging up. It is taking all my strength and faith to stay positive, visualize the man I want to be before every interaction with her, being that man and loving her despite all the blows (I believe I have made many selfish mistakes before and is time to look down and show true love).
I found this forum and thought as I loved DB maybe people here could help me with cross country separation and my approach to reaching to her, even if that means not reaching at all. As one of my try new things I was thinking about sending her the DB book as a Christmas gift saying something along the lines of only read it if you freely feel like it. I do not want to control her by doing this, I feel she needs to know the concepts in DB and she is only surrounding herself with people that support separation (oh! this person or that one got separated and took the kids to a psychologist, you will be fine or you deserve to be happy and you are so young) and I think this is really hurting our potential future, if there is any. She for example has created this support circle with her cousin who recently cancelled her wedding to a cheating boyfriend because she realized she was not truly in love and I cannot believe situations are comparable at any level. Anyway, my hymn now is optimism, happiness, consistency, change and unconditional love to her and my children.
Me 29 W:29 M: 5yrs T:10yrs S:6yrs S:1 yr BD: "I want a D" 08/09/19 Sep: 10/27/19
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Me 29 W:29 M: 5yrs T:10yrs S:6 yrs S:1 yr BD: "I want a D" 08/09/19 Sep: 10/27/19
