1) Hs that love their wives do not care about their W's weight. Sex is about feeling close, connected and loved. It has zero to do with how W looks. So many Ws say "I look like a mess, hair undone, in sweats, and he still wants to have sex." Yep. Because we don't care.
2) As one neat freak to another: It doesn't matter. Stop nagging him about it. He does not care about neatness like you do and never will. Stop trying to change him. I spent 18+ years trying to change my W in this regard. After BD I gave it up. If I want things neat I make them neat! I no longer harp on her for it. Guess what? My life and hers are so much better. The tension and stress over it is gone. I will always be a neat freak.She never will be. Accept his sloppiness and move on.
3) Do not use stress and "mental breakdowns" as an excuse. Throwing things at some one is and always will be a choice. Own it. It was wrong. Admit it, improve, and move on.
4) Marriage is not about independence. Marriage is about shared lives. Experiences. Connection. While self-differentiation is important (google that), being too independent in a marriage is always a recipe for disaster. This is another 180 I had to make to save my marriage. I am as independent as they come. Be one half of a MR, not a single person trying to play a married person.
5) Drop all expectations. You've been fired as his W. Assume for now that there will be nothing done for bdays, holidays, anniversaries, etc. That is your reality today. The bday trip is perfect! This is what we try to get new LBSs to understand for GAL. Concentrate on more like this.
Remember, this is about improving. Remember to GAL....180...detach. Expect the worst, hope for the best.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
