Still in limbo

[Living]

Hi Living,

Glad to hear you are OK. I always get worried when posters just stop.


Thanks for the update. Anything we can help with, just ask.


I also agree that the newbies could benefit from your input. Also, you will benefit as well. It is emotionally draining to help others. Each time I have to really put myself in their shoes. Makes IRL decisions much easier for me since I have went through the mental thought process many times.



HUGS

Thanks for the well wishes Ready2change, I really appreciate it.

I’ll definitely chime in here when I can to help the new people. I’m no expert but I’ve been living in an alternate universe for 2 years, lol! Therefore, I have some experience.

Mr. I want a divorce is already back to pursuing me. Isn’t that nuts? He declares he “no longer has it for us” and wants a divorce, yet he wants to be in my space.

Yesterday, he told me I looked like I needed a hug . I told him I’m not sure where he got that from. He proceeds to wrap his arms around me to hug me. I didn’t even hug him back. I told him...seems like you’re the one that needs a hug.

And this has been the story of my life for 2 years. Distance and pursuit.

I’ve got him figured out though....

Just like a teenager he wants to do what he wants when he wants. He doesn’t want to have to answer to anyone. So when I call him out on some wrong behavior, like an adolescent, he throws a fit.

So I confront him about missing money, and all of a sudden he wants a divorce. I’m still of the belief that he doesn’t know what the he11 he wants. My therapist agrees. She also agrees that he’s in crisis. Although she didn’t call it a midlife crisis.

So what will I do???

* Well first thing I did was remove all my money from our joint account. I’m now paying my potion of our bills from my own account. I have also removed him from my personal account.

* I have alerts set up on my credit report to make sure he’s not opening any lines of credit in my name.

* I’m continuing to work on me. I’m working on being the best version of myself that I’ve ever been. I’m proud to say that I’m off to a great start.

* As long as I keep my focus on me, I do just fine. But the moment that I turn back to him, all heck breaks loose.

So Woosa, my first piece of advice would be to only focus on what you have control over and that’s “YOU”!