Hi SC, it sounds like you've jumped right into DB'ing, you're handling things quite well so far.
You say you don't think there's an OW and in your case you may be right. This may indeed have everything to do with the violent confrontations you've had with your H. A lot of people think that it's OK for a woman to strike and/ or throw things at a man because men are supposed to be "stronger", but it is just as bad as a man doing such things towards a woman. I was dating a woman for a while that was very sweet and loving, but then we got in a minor argument and the monster came out. She was yelling and screaming and ran into my kitchen and grabbed a knife and pointed it at me, then cut herself with it. I can't even begin to describe how freaked out I was, I never did see her the same way again. I don't scare easily and she was 8" shorter and 60 pounds lighter than me, but she legitimately scared me. So don't play down the impact that may have had on your H. I'm glad to hear you're in IC for it now.
Your H isn't going to believe your changes for a while, so you've got to show him consistent changed behavior over a long period of time. Stick with the IC, keep your anger under control and be patient! Good luck!
