Since your wife has stated that she wants to do things for herself, I would ask her if she would like for you to take care of her car for her since it is snowing. This gives her the option to say yes or no. If she says no, let it go because it will be on her to take care of the cleaning, etc.
I'm sure if you had a friend in a similar situation that you would ask them before taking care of the car. Just because she's acting out, doesn't mean that you don't care about her. It's her behavior that you don't like. Be a friend if you can and just ask her. Keep those expectations at zero!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
