From Replay To Depressiom

[Rita]

So interesting about your AA mentor. It reminds me of the conflict I always feel between following Christ and following the advice I get here. So I guess it all goes back to why you are or aren't doing anything -- e.g., to please God (and/or follow the AA Way) or to change W. The latter is impossible, and the former is the most important thing. But sometimes I realize now, the most loving thing we can do for our spouse is stop doing for them.

In my case as I stopped doing things, I don't know if it affected H or just increased his vehement assertion that I never knew how to be a wife. I always loved doing his laundry and I did it off and on even after he filed because it was the only nice thing I could ever do for him. I didn't do it to change him. I did it to try to practice humility and God's love. But sometimes I couldn't bear to do it and I didn't. And I never expected any response from him about it. Sometimes he even would criticize the way I washed or folded or say I shrank something! What a jerk! But that's his journey and his relationship with God, I have my own.

I don't know if that helps. But I would say in your effort to figure this out, you shouldn't leave the car outside and then have MORE work than usual chipping at the ice you could have avoided by moving it inside as you usually do! So I would offer to move the car inside before the storm, and if she says no, she can chip all that ice herself. Maybe she can even chip away at the ice in her heart? : ) This might help you envision it, it's where my screen name comes from -- Final chapter of "The Snow Queen."