As unlucky I’ve been in OLD, I can’t bash it. Like Kml said, I work in a department of 100% women. The doctors in my hospital are old and married, and the two I would entertain are married. One of those is my actual doctor. And I already went on a date with one through OLD, and we all know how that turned out. I’ve met 2 guys at a mar, one very early on, it was a 2 month fling, he was much younger and hot and that was it. The other we went on a real date and there was zero chemistry.

I’ve tried the Home Depot and the one time I found a guy who was hot and we locked eyes, upon closer inspection it was my coworker. He was shopping for his new house with his fiancé . Men don’t just ask you out in the grocery store anymore, because women think any random guy is some creep.
I got asked out once in a bookstore, but the guy was creepy.

Aside from mutual friends and the such, there really isn’t much of a way. And most of them were married. And there were 2 who were married who had the audacity to hit on me, and one actually stalked me.

The odds outside of OLD at this stage in life are slim. We aren’t in college anymore where people are just single looking to mingle .

M was almost real. For a while he was real. He was a win. But like don said, and I guess LH proved the point, often, I’m running into the ones who think they are ready to date, but totally aren’t. Not over their ex’s. Still have the door open for them to come back. Never dealt with the anger towards their ex’s. They are still embroiled in their exes. I just really want to find a guy who has moved on and is ready to love again. Like J’s Dr. makes it easy for him to be a man, I would love a guy who makes it easy to be a woman.

I appreciate all the advice and all the perspective. My rejection of suggestions are only of ones I have tried and failed. I have an “excuse”. But really, it’s all things I have tried. Because we all know I try and I am open. They just didn’t work for me in the past.

Tonight, my friend and I went to a paint and sip and had a lot of fun. I NEEDED to get out of the house. I was researching all of this stuff I could do alone, but I found nothing that excited me to do alone. Fun stuff to do with someone else, yes, but not alone. But I’m glad my friend went out with me. It was to just have fun, not to meet men.

I wish more than anything I could be that person who is ok being alone for a very long time. And I have been alone for a very long time. But I am not that person who can be happy with it forever. I love intimacy, emotional and physical. I am a homebody at times and want to be a homebody with someone else. It’s not the same alone. I keep going back to me and M’s las night together. I was laying wrapped in his arms on the couch while we were having a running commentary about shark tank. In that moment, I was so in love with him. I NEED that in my life.

But I went out tonight. I had fun.

On a different note, I got last minute hair appointment but it was at the time of D12’s dentist appointment. The ex agreed to come get her early and take her. Well, she was MAD. He’s never taken her there and said I needed to take her and i was being selfish. She clearly relies on me for this stuff. I pretty much told her “too bad, dad is a parent and he can handle this” and everything was fine.

I’m trying here. I’m really trying. My friend feels I really need to put myself out there again and get back online . Actually all my friends do. But I’m sticking to my promise, because perhaps in this state, what I put out there won’t yield me good results . I want to put out who I really am. A woman who has been handling her own crap for many years and is ready for something REAL. Not some filler BS u til they get their issues handled and move on. I’m too good for that. Way too good for that.