Time for a little red pill. Uni they won't own it and never will because they are women. They will vilify, justify, and make you the enemy in their minds, etc until the cows come home. Its because they have no accountability or agency, and are subjected to their feelings that they can't even figure out. They just know that something feels off in the R. Whether it be due to them changing, you changing, life stresses, perceived social value and worth, self esteem, whatever, take you're pick as to why things failed, there are so many moving parts and facets, they just know they want to feel a certain way. If there was a guy that any XW perceive as high market value. Social, looks, financial, status, etc. She would bed them in a heartbeat, toxic or not. They vilify you with their emotions to justify what they are doing to you. Taking away the kids, crying emotional abuse, splitting assets, being difficult and dramatic. You re kids are being used as pawns to finance her new lifestyle she desires. She's bored. She also wants to save her reputation amongst her peers and family that she is the victim, you are the bad guy, its all you're fault. And she comes out smelling like roses in the divorce. Why do you think she is pushing you so far to end it? And to tell you the truth? If they ever do choose to change their minds? If they can do it once. They can do it again. It would take a very serious amount of remorse, conditions, trust rebuilding, communication, and respect to EVEN CONSIDER TAKING THEM BACK. LH is right about pursuit, placating, and even strength does not get them back. Its just a wishy washy decision, or they couldn't find a better option out there that brings them back. IMO. Otherwise they're gone!!! Even when they are married they are single, and when they are single, they are never really single. You re lifestyle has to benefit hers and compliment hers or she's out and onto the next adventure, person, etc. She's looking for validation for her existence and current state of emotions. Ever wonder why women move on so fast and the guys are blindsided? Care to test that theory? What external and internal lifestyle changes did any of our XW's make after BD? What are the real reasons why? WHY IS SHE NOT HAPPY? What does it have to do with you? Why do I keep reading about these cases of divorce and these same exact circumstances, scripts and words occuring around the 38 to 40 yr old mark with women? Or just around the 8 to 10 year mark within a M? (10 year alimony mark in some states.) That's not to say the guy didn't bring his share of problems to the M. I know I definately did.
When you also add the cocktail of complacency, bordeom, FOMO, repetition, childhood trauma. They are (and even we are to an extent) seeking something to heal us, fill us, make our lives right, our interactions and dynamics right and our worth correctly assessed. We start looking for new experiences outside ourselves to fill the bucket. New car, new nails, new clothes, new partner, new hobbies, new travel, new experiences. It is all part of the growth process, but its important to recognize where our experiences, worth and happiness come from. From outside of us and our exoeriences, materialism, socialism, hobbies, acquirement objects, or from within? This place taught me that. I'm sitting here on my couch on a Sat night. Haven't been out in a month, and contemplating whether I should be focusing on my priorities or going out to have a new experience even if it is alone. I feel like I want to go out and meet people and have a new experience because life is passing me by. Money is tight though. Maybe I will maybe I won't. Just tired of being a hermit and choosing between feeling accomplished, and being social. I've been enjoying the solitude for the last month but its time to branch out, make some plans, make some changes, make some new friends, and have some new experiences.
