Gerda Rises Up to Go On

[Gerda]

Hi, Job-- Thank you for weighing in! About paying for it -- I would rent out my own apartment to pay for it. I can only go if i rent out my apartment for the dates I want to go, that's why the meeting with Grace is up in the air! This is how I have paid for any trips I ever take. Me and my kids almost never go anywhere as a family but S14 is starting to spend more time with us so if I can cover the cost with a rental I would try to do it. Ticket prices are going up up up the closer we get so it might not happen if I don't get the dates I want to go rented at my own place!

I think my main question is more how to deal with MIL. She obviously has no clue how divorce and visitation works, but I think if I try to explain it to her, she will just be driven to get my H to take them, my son will refuse to go, and then H will take my D alone. I am trying to figure out how to detach from her the same way I do from H but in a way that is best for the kids. What you advise seems to touch upon that-- but are you saying that I should purposefully go to their city? I wasn't going to do that. I was going to go to another city that is a couple hours from them. I think it would be way too much both for the kids and just in terms of appearing manipulative to go to their city. But do you mean to just ignore what she is doing as far as trying to get the kids to work with her directly? And to not say anything like, "Please don't disparage me to my kids?" Generally I try to be really Christ-like with her, saying not much but always being kind and on point. As we know, I often get confused! But my fear is that I will try to do something strategic and make it worse.

About S and the school issue -- I hear you but S's school issues are part of his diagnosis -- ODD, ADHD, etc. Therapy has helped but his school refusal is part of his diagnosis. It would be a little bit like never taking a trip with someone who was dyslexic in order not to reward her when she struggled to read. And the types of consequences that work on D do not generally work on S. I do my best with consequences with him but it is a real battle that anyone with a kid with ODD will understand! And obviously the MLC was a massive trigger that has caused endless ripples in that regard. S goes to a special private school that the DoE pays for because his issues are so severe. H always denied that there was any problem and said that I was "denying S's destiny" by trying to get him to go to school! I don't think he even knows where S goes to school now!