It is normal for the LBS to feel completely at a loss why things unfolded the way they did?
My WAW has never really given more than disjointed bits and pieces to explain why she wants out. She never even said “I want a D.” I have my theories that this stems primarily from out move 2.5 years ago, and maybe she was unhappy before then but didn’t realize it.
Here’s what I have: - The abuse allegations. - The “caretaker burnout” theory during our first round of MC last year. - Her completely distancing herself, and then accusing me of being distant. - Me getting increasingly desperate to reach out at times, then having my desperation pointed out as emotional abuse (this was incredibly weak behavior on my part but mostly me questioning her commitment) - Finding a D book before the BD (when she went quiet for months). - she seemed to want me to agree D was the only option... only after we went to 8 MC sessions where she made no effort to work on the MR and instead repeatedly labeled me.
I know I’m still attached. I’m still upset that she ditched this MR without an honest effort. I still don’t get it. We have 3 amazing beautiful children together. I’m angry and resentful and I won’t post here acting like I’m over it. I have good days and bad but I think the good days involve me denying reality somewhat.
I know I need to tell myself she is done. I need to completely let go. I don’t want HER anymore, but I want the idea that people work together on their problems especially with so much at stake with the kids. It drives me bonkers sometimes. I can’t believe people do this to each other. I’m not unique here. It’s mind blowing.
There is no explanation. She is checked out. We haven’t even started mediation but this has been years in the making. I need to prepare for my next phase of life. I need to make friends. I need to tackle my anxiety and enjoy the moment. I need to make plans for what I want my life to look like 2 years down the road.
