Down, but not out ..... yet.

[Dawn70]

((((G))))

I don’t have any great advice or words of wisdom but there are plenty of other people here who give far better advice than I ever could anyway, so I’ll just let them handle it.

I did want to speak to a couple of specifics, though. You say you haven’t tried to make girlfriends and lament it is harder to do than find a suitable dating partner but then mention you enjoy doing various outings with your coworkers. To me, that’s a start. I mean sure, you may wish to keep personal vs. work life somewhat private but that doesn’t mean you can’t build an actual bond and friendship with someone at work. Keep looking for new hobbies as well. You never know when a friendship might arise from a cooking class, a stroll through a museum, a beer or wine tasting....whatever. There are a lot of ways to put yourself out there and you just have to think outside the box a bit. You’re a smart lady, so I know you can do it. What worries me for you when I read your posts is that when people suggest ideas, you respond with some version of “yes, but...”. G, I know this is a particularly rough time of year, but please try to find a way to relax and take it easy on yourself. You keep beating yourself up with your own comments about how long you’ve been single, how you thought you would’ve found someone by now, how everyone you’ve really been into has gotten serious with the person who came after you. G, GIRL, cut yourself some slack!!!!! Those are heavy crosses to bear. Celebrate YOUR success, YOUR accomplishments, and the amazing reports you received about little G and how well she’s doing. Sister, that is ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL you. I just read something recently (something I’d actually seen numerous times) about not comparing your life with anyone else’s because yours will likely pale in comparison but mainly because you know your own internal strife but know only the external view of the other life you’re comparing to. So, again, cut yourself some slack.

Another point: I agree totally with Don about OWW’s intentions not necessarily being meant in a harsh or negative way. It is sometimes a bit hard for me to read some of your feelings towards her because I identify with her to an extent. I was a stepmom who never had my own kids so I was stepmoming another woman’s children. Now granted, our circumstances were different in that I wasn’t the OW. In my situation, they had been divorced for several years before I came along. I never once tried to usurp the role of the girls’ mom because they have a mom. On the contrary, I encouraged their relationship with their mother, despite the fact that I didn’t like her. I, obviously don’t know OWW’s side of the story but even just reading yours, I don’t get the impression that she’s trying to be mean. In fact, I’ll spin a bit differently from Don and say my guess as to her motive is that she actually looks up to you as a mom and wants your approval of her skills as well, so in that vein, she’s sharing with you how wonderful and helpful your daughter has been and that she’s having a good time as a way to reassure you that little G is ok and that she (OWW) is capable of doing ok with her. I’m not trying to tell you how to feel or anything but being a stepparent, particularly if you don’t have kids of your own, is TOUGH because there’s a lot more scrutiny by the parents and it’s almost like you can’t do anything right no matter what. I truly don’t think she meant any harm.

Having said all that, I’ll just finish with this: you’re amazing so lighten up on yourself and start trying to see yourself as we all see you.