Down, but not out ..... yet.

[DonH]

Don’t base it off me because I’m picky and probably not even ready to date.

Ha! You keep making my point for me!!!! You're probably not even ready to date - yet there you are OLD. That is my EXACT point. It's not like all of the guys (or gals) are bad or crazy or whatever - or that you are casually dating. It's that when you add up the sum total, the number of both men and women OLD that are truly in a healthy place, looking for a serious R, etc. - or are of the quality and character or in the same sitch as Ginger compose a small fraction of those with an OLD profile - that's what I'm saying. Yet the marketing and adverting would have you believe that if you are single and looking for someone - the place to go is OLD where everyone is just like you - mentally healthy, looking for love and ready for it. That's what many think and what they want us to think. But the truth is far different with only a handful falling into that group. It's almost like Ashley Madison or AFF or the others where they tried and successfully lead lonely, horny, desperate, guys to sign up only to find there were hardly any real women there and they were paying people to pose as women to keep the guys trying and paying. I'm just telling you, it's a matter of time until OLD is fully exposed for the truth of what it is - and what it's not. It does work now and then for some people - i admit it does. It also works pretty well as a hook up spot. But that's not what G is looking for.

Keep all options open is my vote.

Totally agree with you there buddy. I would add to simply use OLD as a way to setup a very early on in person meeting - just like you would if you met someone out someplace. But don't sit on the phone or text for hours prior to the meeting - something "WMLB" totally advocates as does the Coach.

And what I take from the books is that I’m way too accommodating and eager to please . I refuse to be someone I’m not, but those things I have learned I need to pull back on.

I'd very much agree with the too accommodating and eager to please. You'd think guys would love it but I can tell you just from my perspective (and her's) it can be the kiss of death - and has been with me. I don't think it's at all about being someone you are not, but just changing how you do things and perhaps the biggest thing is valuing yourself or as she says living like you are total package prize and if the guy doesn't see it, that's his problem and you are not even giving it a second thought. Guy, what guy!

And with M, well, he said what he said, but for the first half he was very interested. Very. And it took me a while to figure out he lost the interest because once I would realize it, he would go and be interested again.

She talks about this exact thing how guys in the beginning (and 6 months is still the beginning) might be very interested but how dynamics and behaviors can kill that attraction. If I remember, it was when you challenged him and distanced yourself that he would become interested again. It's again straight out of the book. I think your actions is what brought his interest back around. However, I have to add, I still don't think he was the right guy for you in the long term anyhow. I just know that had my ExW had read this book and done these actions, I would not have lost interest about 6 months in as well or perhaps we would have not got married - or I may have stepped up because I was required to - rather than finally trying to step up after it was too late. I was never required to so I didn't. That's a small example of what I mean by how this all comes full circle to DBing.

Ginger, I'm not trying to put you on the defensive, which I know is just a human reaction if someone comes at you or criticizes. I'm really not trying to be a jerk about it or be intensive because i know you are hurting. But you seem to have an answer for all of it - yet you are still miserable, needing medication to sleep and moving to depression - so clearly what you are doing is not working. I'm by no means a dieting expert and if you did lose weight for the week - that's great! You and i just both know the way to lose weight is not to starve yourself and then eat fries and drink beer. The way is through three balanced, healthy meals each day. And I did see that you have things lined up in the future - great and good for you! That's another win. I was responding to your comments about THIS weekend and last night. I just see people reaching out. I didn't even take your Ex's W as trying to be mean. I totally get this is a way different sitch given what happened. But I'd at least consider she, right or wrong, is thinking that was 10 years ago and no longer a factor and she too sees you are struggling and feels bad. Call me a gullible idiot and I may be wrong - I just think she was trying to be nice.

Perhaps I'm not helping and if I'm making it worse I'm very sorry and will stop. At least I tried. I'm glad you've read the books. Not sure how long ago it was but maybe you should read it again. I just see you doing so much of what she says not to do - even with the latest guy from OLD - that's all. She got all of this by interviewing hundreds of guys and I can just tell you this guy (me) totally sees what she is saying as i'm very turned off by the examples she gave and very interested in what she calls the bitch - just like those 100 guys. I don't try to be - it's just in the DNA - and that includes with women that many people would not find very attractive - it's how they carry and handle themselves.

I'll just shut up now and give you a virtual hug. I know you are going to get through this! Hopefully soon.