I know OLD can be rough but it really is the best way to go out on dates. I had my first flat out no show on Sunday. No text, no I'm sorry, radio silence.
I really wish I would have had the time to comment earlier when I read some of these posts but TG got in the way - which is a good thing, at least for me. Anyhow, I had to laugh at this one, OLD is the best way to go out on dates and to prove that point you tell us how you were stood up and ghosted. I'm sorry but with each passing day OLD is getting worse and worse and it's been bad for a long time already. There are so many things that start off good in life and then get corrupted and OLD is just another of them. It's just a matter of time until people start realizing that and OLD goes the way of the newspaper personal ads. I'm sorry but by and large the quality of people is just really bad - case in point in LH19's example. Yes, a few people find someone - or at least in the early going think they have. But I'm sorry, there are just soooooo many bad, broken people and then there are so many married, or in Rs and then there are all of the scammers. I'm not saying maybe try OLD but to make that your number one or only goto - I think you are just going to keep getting what you've been getting. LH19 by now has had to have dated, what 25 different women - at least from OLD? And how is that working for you? The old saying of doing the same thing and expecting different results. You might get more dates but are they good dates????
I really think in person is much better as you can at least see what you are getting. Or if you do try OLD - move to a coffee or single drink meet and greet right away - just as soon as you can. I don't want to disparage my friends and the more I find out about this guy (though I've known he has issues from a long time now) the more amazing it is to watch. He's D'd from his first wife, has a son now 10 or 11 I think from a former GF. Has a current girlfriend who he's cheating on with someone else. Oh, but that is evidently not enough as I happened to be with him for a few days and saw like a dozen times as he got on Tinder or Bumble or one of those (I've never used any so I'm not positive which brand it was) but I am positive that it was some OLD as he was swiping left and right like a mad man - like in seconds! How flipping sad - but really how sad for these women. But he must be good at fooling them because they come around and his GF even though deep down she knows and has caught him 4 times that I'm aware of, she still stays. That was a long story - but THAT is what is all too common on OLD. This is the type of guy more than not that you will find. And if it's not the cheater it's the guy who is not ready or is just looking for a hook up or on and on. It's just the land of misfits and to say it's the best way to go - I'm sorry, I just can't let that one fly. I think in person is still the best way to go - it clearly has been for me - though I have nothing to write home about there but compared to OLD...
Originally Posted by kml
Give 20S a couple of books - He’s Just Not That Into You and Why Men Love B!tches.
That came from Andrew's thread but I had to move it here and will hopefully (I'm really going to try) write more about it on my own rather dormant thread. But, Ginger, have you read this book? If not, YOU MUST - I mean you totally have to!!! I had heard about it for a long time but didn't know anything. For whatever reason, the curiosity got me and I looked it up and found a free 25 page preview online. OMG. It is great!!!! And Ginger it fits you like a glove. Not many books speak to me and hit me like DB or DR did but this one comes close - even though it's written for women. It almost ties together and brings full circle Divorce Busting/Remedy, and even the Coach's book in a little way. They all reinforce the same themes - just from a slightly different focus.
To start with, the title is somewhat misleading. In fact the author starts out explaining what she means by Bitches. It's not what you think. She is not advocating being a bitch in the way we think of it - like the office bitch or the C word or something. It's not even close. She is talking being a doormat versus being a self assured and confident woman that any man would want - take it or leave it. Then she tells you why acting the way some women act totally turns men off.
Even though it's written for women, it so much reinforced and validated for me what I feel the way i do. I would very likely date, move in with and perhaps even marry the woman she is describing and advocating for in the book - ME!!!! That's saying something. But the many woman that turn me off over 30 plus years, some of the things they said and did are word for word written in the book. The DR and DB books did the same - it was as if MWD was writing about my wife and me - it's the same with this book. It totally vaidates to me why I feel the way I do and it's not all me - it's very much how some woman act and what they do. Then when I find a bitch, i'm engaged and stay engaged. I can't advocate it enough and to whatever extent I can, I am mandating you must read this book Ginger. It's an order!!! LOL I think you'll see yourself all through it and see why at least possibly you keep saying these guys tell you that you are great just something is missing then marry the next woman they date. She talks about exactly this in the book and why it keeps happening. She talks about why guys lose interest and what woman do to make it happen.
Like I said, I hope to write more on my threat soon as I think this book is THAT good. For you Ginger, just read the easy to find free chapters online. You'll even get a huge amount from that and I"m betting you'll want to read the rest - which you can pick it up for like $10 bucks. It will be the best ten dollars you spend. READ THE BOOK!!!!
Originally Posted by Ginger1
My coworkers felt bad I was going home alone after work. I got some invites, lol. I did have invites here, I just had to get home to my dog. Being home alone in an empty house on thanksgiving is a little more lonely than I anticipated. But I got beer, the dog, and will be making myself French fries for dinner.
I don't know if this is depression doing this or what but Ginger you've got to break out of it. Back to drinking and eating crappy - and then you will tell us next week you are two pounds heavier and how much you hate it. It's a vicious cycle that you really have to break out of. You've got people reaching out to you but you won't accept their offers. Why? The dog is the oldest dodge in the world. I hear all of the time when someone doesn't want to do something, or a party is lame and they want to leave "Oh we've got to get home to the dogs" yet when the party is a gang buster the dogs will be fine for a few more hours. I know you have friends you could have called or texted (not guys you used to date) but others. Why don't you do it? BTW - she talks about this behavior too in the book - a bitch would never do this.
Again, I don't want to be unsympathetic as perhaps I've been there. You feel bad but you just can't bring yourself to go to a party, or meet up with friends or accept whatever offer friends have given you - whether it be to join them for TG, or even just for pie and a glass of wife after their dinner (there I go contradicting myself on the diet comments earlier - you hypocrite Don) or a weekend getaway or trip or a vacation or whatever!!! You've got to stop doing the same thing. You've tried the couch and OLD route - why not at least give it a try to get out with some GFs or accept invites to things where you will be out meeting real people?
I know I'm being really 2X4'y here but you've got to get out of this rut. Start by accepting what your friends are offering. Don't pull back to your safe place or familiar place on the couch. You've got to GAL whenever you can and when little G is gone and you have nothing else to do - it's the perfect time to say yes to invites. Stop making excuses. Just please give it a try. Or at least if you've going to be on the couch, read "Why Men Love Bitches"
Dang I write too much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Must be because I want better for you!
Last edited by job; 11/29/1907:50 PM. Reason: edited language
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D