I think it is a good idea for you address this concern with H. Most people in crisis it seems become terrible parents, and the responsibility of a child is a lot of added pressure.
I like the idea of offering an out, as HaWho suggested. Start with a soft approach, and if H seems ok, offer an out.
I also like DS9’s suggestions. Have the daycare contact you with concerns, and provide a meal for H to feed S1.
These are all in the realm of your control, in that you are not trying to get H to do something. Trying to get H to do something because he said he would, or you want him to, or he is suppose to - doesn’t work. They have minds like Swiss cheese, and an attention span of about the same.
Your proposed conversation with H has a reasoned approach, and covers off a far bit of this concern - and he most likely will balk at it. It’s just too much for him. Conversations need to be short and non judgemental.
Like HaWho suggested is a good example. Short, and then let him figure that out. Then if he proposes something acceptable, well that is his idea, and you would go along with it.
Until then, you can control having a meal for S1 prepared. If the meal is still sitting where you left it, and there are no dirty dishes, you could ask a more pointed question. And maybe have better luck in changing the schedule.
As for where H takes S1 when the little guy is in his care. With only verbal agreement between you two, there isn’t much you can force, actually I think I mean enforce. With a legal agreement it can be enforced. While a gentleman’s agreement is a tenuous thing.
Again the soft approach will often have better results in gaining their buy in to a proposal.
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With all that being said. That would be my advice for a situation with an MLCer. However, your H is 29 years old, perhaps a QLCer.
Yesterday, H was 5 minutes early. Perhaps due to your warning. Now a one time event does not a behaviour make. See if he continues this better behaviour and commend him for it when he does.
I do like the gentle approach - like attracting a squirrel. But, H did respond (maybe) to your more direct approach as well.
I would try the soft approach and go from there; becoming more or less direct as the conversation progresses. You know your situation best and the goal you are seeking. Do more of what works and less of what doesn’t.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
